What I Learned In Toastmasters This Week: November 2015

What I've learned is that when I haven't done a 5 to 7 minute speech in over a year. I am really rusty.

There were a few reasons why I hadn’t presented any speeches for awhile. Last October, I was involved with a Business Symposium at our local library with other Toastmasters. In November, someone saw a newspaper article on the Symposium and asked me to do a speech on listening at a local high school. Then, I had the great honor of giving a keynote speech on Video Branding for the District 10 Spring conference.

All of those events took time and preparation which took me away from actually doing manual speeches.

Finally, this year in early October, I was getting the speaking itch again. So, I asked to be put on the schedule for a speech for an upcoming meeting. I had about four weeks to prepare for the speech. It took awhile with two weeks to go, but I did come up with a subject.

In the past few months, I had to say “no” to a few people for projects they were working on or a role that they wanted me to do.

I researched the topic of “saying no” and discovered that I could tell my “saying no” stories and give the audience some takeaways for their own use.

Four weeks passed and the “saying no” speech was scheduled for Monday. I was still writing the speech up to Sunday. I timed the speech that was ranging from 8 to 10 minutes. I wanted to trim that down to only about 9 minutes.

I cut some things out and the speech was still long. I really like the beginning speech with the late Steve Jobs of Apple asking his Design Chief, Jony Ive, the same question every day ” How many times have you said no, today?”

I knew it was a strong beginning for the speech. I built the speech from that. I found an article called” The Gentle Art of Saying No.” I knew that would play off my name (Art, get it) really well.

I was making a reference to singer Rick James when I talked about L7, the emotional prison, the Square. James had an album (boy, am I aging myself?) called Bustin Out of L7. The album cover showed James busting through a wall of a prison with some hot women and holding his guitar. He meant being a boring square. I thought of L7 as being some sort of prison.

I always felt trapped in a prison like situation when I said yes to a project or something that I didn’t want to do.

On Monday, the day of the meeting, I made more cuts on the speech. The speech was still running a close nine minutes. My introduction said 8 to 10 minutes for the speech. I wanted to give myself some leeway.

I kept practicing even though I have was having trouble with the Steve Jobs story beginning. I kept messing up the Jony Ive quotes. I pushed on with my practicing behind my musical sheet stand which fills in as a lectern when I practice. Surprisingly, I felt comfortable with the rest of the speech.

At the meeting, since I am the President of the club I would have to start the meeting. So, I would lose some time to look over the speech. Then, I was assigned to do the opening/closing. My thoughts were scattered. During the clapping for speakers, I would try to look go over the notes.

My confidence was seeping from me as I was not remembering things for the speech. Maybe, I should have not looked at anything and just went on my instincts of knowing the material.

After the break, I was the first speaker. As Ed Haller, the Toastmaster was reading my intro, I stood up and moved to the side of the room.

Weeks before the speech, Kallie, a new member and I road tripped together to Akron to see fellow Executive 408 Toastmaster Ed win a Humorous speech contest.

During the road trip, Kallie said she was excited to hear me speak. Her excitement made me a little nervous. Here is a new member that wants to hear me speak. The question came in the back of my mind what if I don't do well for the audience and now, Kallie.

Well, Kallie was at the meeting. She said to me again, she was excited to hear me speak. In the past, people have told me they were looking forward to hearing me speak. That would make me nervous, but it was a part of the process that made me focus on the speech. I was not feeling that process at that moment because of the factors: unsure of the knowing the speech completely and the speech was long.

After I took to the floor, I looked into the audience. Then, I look at Kallie, who was smiling at me. I started out with the Steve Jobs/Jony Ive story. I stumbled and went on a word free-fall. I couldn't string anything together. I saw Kallie’s face go from excited to confused to a the totally WTH look.

I literally started laughing in my mind, how funny her face looked. Then, I glance at the rest the audience. I paused for a moment which usually would feel like an eternity, but it didn’t for me. It was my second wind and I started get on track and I stayed there as I had fun telling my stories and learning the gentle way of “saying no.”

I could see my evaluator, Ed looking at me and then writing something down. In past speeches, the evaluator in my line of sight made me nervous, but for some reason I went with the flow of what I was feeling which was good and back in control.

I saw faces nodding in agreement from what I was saying. I looked at Kallie whose enthusiastic smile returned.

The speech went well. I know it was long. The timers’ report said the speech was 12 minutes long. Ouch!

Usually, when I do a speech, that is it, it’s over and I don't do it again. With this speech, I plan to do it over again with a very scaled-down version at a future meeting.

This experience made me feel like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz needing a little oil because I was rusty. The only difference was that I had a heart and didn’t need to look for one.

A Few Suggestions in the Gentle Art of Saying “No”

1) Listen-Whenever someone came up with a project or something they wanted me to do. I would actually listen to them. Sometime that is all someone needs is anyone to listen.

Another thing, I would do is I would complement them on their idea, the project and organization.

2) Not To Burn Bridges On The Honest Road I Now Travel- If I want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that. I chose my words and tone carefully.

3) Know My Priorities- The simple fact that I can never be productive if I take on too many commitments. I will not be able to get anything done, at least not well.

4) I Don’t Apologize- I know the common way to say NO is “I’m sorry but …” It sounds polite and nice. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes me sound weaker. I have become firm, and unapologetic about guarding my time.

5) I Don’t Give Out My Phone Number. If they have my number. They will call and continue to call. I tell people the best way to contact me is through email. People seem not to value what they can get for free. If you make them work to get to you. Most will give up.

If you would like to hear the actual stumble during the speech. Click on.

https://soundcloud.com/artbyrdaudio/saying-no-speech-stumble

Bio:

Arthur Byrd is a six year member and the current President of Executive 408 Toastmasters in Youngstown.

He is an Advanced Communicator Gold and working on his Advanced Leader Silver moving towards his DTM.

Executive 408 Toastmasters Youngstown meets every Monday 6:45-8:45 p.m at the Summitville Tile Building 621 Boardman-Canfield Road in Boardman, Ohio.